She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
