my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
