I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
there is puke in my bra ... again
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