bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
