Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
