i permit you to call me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
