umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize