I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
