my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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