I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
