normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
