dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
