just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
