i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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