he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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