birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
false alarm, still single
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