it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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