Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
