he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
