OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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