Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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