She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
