We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
