Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
