I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
