I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
