I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think your dad took our porno
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
