Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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