I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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