My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
