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I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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