oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
