I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
