walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
