she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
