Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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