we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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