I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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