Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
