I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
