Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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