it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
