Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
