It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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