i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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