shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
