dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
