What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
