did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
