i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
