I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Two words: nipple clamps
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