I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
