It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
