If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Life is so much better after having sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
