I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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