I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
