Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
