I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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