All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
