remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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