i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
