I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if only i could text you this smell
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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