my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
