yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize