Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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