This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
