Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
