After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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