last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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