There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
