ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
