and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe