So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
