yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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