Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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