Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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