i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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