eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
