i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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